July 16, 2022

I am writing this because I have recently realized a different perspective on my friend Gerry’s recent passing.

Gerry was a very intelligent man with a strong analytical engineer’s mind.  About five years ago Gerry was convinced that open heart surgery was warranted for him to enjoy life in a more or less uncompromised way (by most people’s standards).

Some history:  I had the pleasure of know both Gerry’s father and grandfather.  All three of them had a congenital heart defect. His father was “grumpy”.   Could this have been related to his heart condition which was never addressed with surgery? That was a long time ago.  But how could Gerry have forgotten this? Impossible I say.

I do not know what exactly Gerry was told prior to his open heart surgery.  I speculate here that he was told he could have a grumpy demeanor and drop dead anytime with certainty or try the surgery. I remember how carefully he thought about the whole thing including choice of valve types and all the rest.

So Gerry goes ahead with the surgery and has five wonderful years. Right now five years feels like an eternity to me. If I was given the choice that Gerry was given I would have done the surgery as well.  It is with tremendous sadness that I relate to you that Gerry’s wife found him dead in their yard after returning from a lunch date with a friend.

That was devastating as not expected at all. In fact Gerry had been at his rehabilitation program that very morning. His wife Joan relates that Gerry appears to have died peacefully and did not struggle or suffer.

I could not even talk about this for several weeks as Gerry was a friend to me for nearly fifty years. As we are now three months after his passing, Joan still has trouble talking about it or responding to the question “How are you doing?”

I am now taking some comfort in knowing that Gerry did have those precious good years and had a much better life than did his father in his final years.  I would never have wanted to see Gerry live like his father did. Today that is not necessary.

So maybe looking at this from this perspective can bring us some peace and comfort that Gerry’s surgery was worthwhile and added a very meaningful component to his life and all those who knew him.

Written by his friend Frank G. Colao

At the end of what would have been his last day in Maine.